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Don't Be Like These People

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Last week, we talked about the IRS Criminal Investigation unit, which just released their Fiscal 2012 report. That report was filled with the sort of dry statistics you would expect from an IRS annual report: 5,125 total investigations launched, 202 crooked tax preparers indicted, 199 identity thieves sent to prison, and 64 months average time behind bars for money launderers. But the report also includes dozens of stories of tax cheats who really just should have known better — and some whose stories are so entertaining we just had to share them. Are you having a bad day? Well, be glad you're not one of these people!

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Our federal government devotes millions of man-hours and billions of dollars each year to law enforcement. The FBI, DEA, and Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, along with lesser-known agencies like the U.S. FDA's Office of Criminal Investigations (pursuing criminal violations of food and drug laws), the Department of Commerce's Office of Export Enforcement (responsible for keeping dangerous technology out of the wrong hands), and NOAA's Fisheries Office for Law Enforcement (charged with protecting the ecosystem and marine life) all strike fear in at least somebody's heart.

But there's one agency that has an almost mythical power in most minds, and that's the IRS. The tax cops put Pete Rose and Wesley Snipes in jail. They put Al Capone in jail, for Pete’s sake! We'd all better watch out, right? Well, you be the judge. Last week, the IRS Criminal Investigation unit released their Fiscal 2012 annual report— and the findings might surprise you. Here are some of the highlights:

Late Night Taxes

Television's late-night hosts have entertained us since Steve Allen first took the mic on The Tonight Show back in 1954. Today's late-night monologues riff on serious topics like international politics and economic policy, and silly topics like the "Real Housewives of Lima, Ohio." Naturally, they've also weighed in on our friends at the IRS. So this week, we present some of our favorite tax wisecracks from late-night television:

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women." (Jay Leno)

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Play Ball!

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The 2013 baseball season is barely a month old, and fans are already bickering over the first twists and turns. That's because rabid fans are never content to just watch a game. They have to discuss it — among friends, at the local tavern, and on talk radio. If a pop fly drops for a single behind Giants center fielder Angel Pagan, and no one is there to argue he should have caught it, does it really make any noise?

Statisticians have always delighted in analyzing baseball — some would say, analyzing it to death. So-called "sabermetricians" (followers of the Society of American Baseball Research, or SABR) pore over arcane stats like "batting average on balls in play" (a measure of how many balls in play against a pitcher go for hits, excluding home runs, used to

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Very Serious Stuff

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When most of us think "taxes," we think of federal taxes — the IRS, Form 1040, and everyone's favorite holiday, April 15. It's true that the IRS is full of Very Serious People collecting Very Serious Taxes. But we can't forget state and local governments either. They collect their fair share of serious taxes — but they impose some pretty silly tax laws, too. Here are some of our favorites:

  • California offers a tax exemption for income you receive to settle claims arising out of the Armenian genocide. If you or your ancestors were persecuted by the Ottoman Turkish Empire between 1915 and 1923, your income from that settlement is tax-exempt. But sadly, if the persecution occurred in 1924 or later, your friends in Sacramento want a share.
  • California also imposes a 33% tax on fresh fruit bought from vending machines. Apparently, the folks in charge of promoting healthy lifestyles would rather see you buy cookies or potato chips!
  • Maryland imposes a $5.00/month "Chesapeake Bay Restoration Fee" on homeowners and businesses to raise funds to improve sewer treatment plants that

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More Gossip About Presidents and Taxes

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If you saw your 2012 tax return splashed all over the internet, you'd probably be pretty unhappy. Maybe you don't want your family, friends, or colleagues to know just how well you did last year. Or maybe you'd want them all to think you had done better than in reality. (Donald Trump is famous for pestering the folks who compile the Forbes 400 list of the richest Americans to rank him higher than they do.) But most of us would rather put our most embarrassing eighth-grade class photo online than our taxes.

Well, President Obama and his family don't have that luxury. Legally, presidential tax returns are as private as anyone else's. However, presidents, vice-presidents, and major party nominees dating back to Richard Nixon have released at least some of their tax return information. The Obamas released their 2012 returns on Friday, and they reveal an intriguing snapshot of presidential finances.